Monday, August 25, 2014

Going Down in History

In preparation for an earth-shattering, life-altering, laugh-inducing post of epic proportions — and I’m not overstating things — I’m calling my old friend Comma, a pausing punctuation mark I met when I was in grammar school. If he gives me the information I’m after, get ready for one doozy of a post. In the meantime, I’ll allow you to listen in on our conversation.

[Owen speed-dials Comma. Phone rings.]

COMMA: Hello.

OWEN: Hey, Comma, it’s Owen. According to my sources, you and ago, having reached the end of the line, parted ways, and now you’re on the cusp of history. Can we discuss it? I’d like to blog about these surprising developments on When Write Is Wrong.

COMMA [in a curt tone]: I have to go. I’m on the other line.

And that, readers, was the last time I ever spoke with Comma. I failed to keep him in line and, as they say, the rest is ,history.

Friday, August 22, 2014

"The" Vanishing

The. Few words in the English language are more common. Heck, in the pictured sentence it shows up three times. Well, two and two-thirds times. In its final appearance, the middle letter has made like the cheap dinner-party guest when the bill arrives and disappeared.

Often Ive typed the so fast its come out as teh. Spell check fixes it automatically. (Thank you, spell check!) Im not sure Ive ever omitted the h though. If I did, spell check would notify me. Id have to fix the mistake on my own, but I think I could handle it. Thats te truth.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Don't Come In!

See it? It’s a blemish on the surface — an unusual marking at the epicenter of this epidermal sentence.

Something has suddenly come up. It’s come. Come? How come? I’m not sure. All I can say with certainty is that the sentence doesn’t come off well having come come along. It won’t “dye” a natural death, so we must be proactive. Fortunately, I’ve come up with a solution that’s cheaper, quicker and less painful than a tattoo removal.

We’ll perform our own version of a skin graft, if you will. We’ll get a skilled editor to remove come and transfer it to a new area, where it’s needed.

Surgery is scheduled for, well, now. (Yes, the time has come.) I have faith the editor will come through.

Come, you’re through!