Monday, December 23, 2013

Kris Missed

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, one of the fun-fun-funniest holiday movies out there, opens with a cartoon. As the credits roll, we hear the catchy “Christmas Vacation” by Mavis Staples and see an animated Santa holding a check-marked list of last names.

He made a list. I’m checking it twice. I just found out that something’s not right. Like an elf on an NBA court, Elwood is in a place he doesn’t belong. You don’t need Rudolph’s glowing proboscis to help you A-B-see that Elwood goes after Eller because W comes after L, er, in the alphabet.

If I have a knock on Elwood, it’s that he checked in to the top spot on this checked list, taking the North Pole position. On this roll call, Eller is stellar.

Has anyone seen Santa? (Last I heard, an airline pilot spotted his sled on its way in from New York.) We must find him. St. Nick needs to nix this muddled list. I insist. He should drive it out to the middle of nowhere and leave it for dead — or sleigh it out to the middle of nowhere and slay it. Then he should make a new list, in alphabetical order. It’s what I want. I already have one of those stupid ties with his images on it.

Deliver the goods, Santa … and then deliver the gifts.

Avoid similar Vacation daze this holiday season, readers, and may your vacation days be merry and bright. Have a holly, jolly Christmas!


  1. Just watched the movie today for the hundredth time. It still holds up! Even though I know every funny line before its said, I still laugh out loud. There is still 2 hours and 15 minutes before midnight here in California so its not too late to say, "Merry Christmas!"

    1. Thank you, John. I wish you a belated Merry Christmas from Connecticut. Or should I say Mele Kalikimaka?

      Of course the movie still holds up! Like a one-year membership in the Jelly of the Month Club, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

      Of the many, many hilarious lines in the movie, my favorite comes courtesy of Aunt Bethany. When I first saw “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” in a theater here in Fairfield in 1989, I burst out laughing when she started reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. I had no idea that was coming. I do now, of course, but it doesn’t keep me from smiling every time she says, “I pledge allegiance…” Amen!

    2. Yes, Aunt Bethany is hilarious! "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"