S? Here.
C? Present.
H? Uh-huh.
O? [Raises hand.]
O? Here.
L? … L? … L? … L?
Where’s L?
Maybe he’s sick. After all, my best friend’s sister’s
boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s
going with the girl who saw L pass out at 31 Flavors last night.
Illness plays no part in L’s absence, in my estimation. I
have a few theories about why that consonant, whose presence is as expected as “Have
a great summer!” comments in your yearbook, is missing.
1. A child wrote the caption. I know lots of children dream
of making school shorter.
2. The L wanted to be like Katy Perry, Al Pacino, Quentin
Tarantino, Mark Zuckerberg and Charles Dickens, among others. They all dropped
out of school. Some withdraw to support their family. Others do so to pursue
Hollywood careers. Bullying, poor grades and an unexpected pregnancy are other
reasons. Perhaps an expectant L was having a little l. Maybe L hoped to follow
in the footsteps of his counterparts in the third and fourth positions on the
famous sign overlooking Los Angeles.
3. An editor was careless.
Whatever the reason, my advice to the alphabet’s 12th letter
remains the same: Finish school.
 |
| Mitra Farmand |
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