Perhaps one of those drunken, drugged revelers is responsible for the last word on the fifth line. It’s incomplete, though I’m still able to identify it.
As the cheerleading squad at the University of Texas might shout, “Give me a t!” The 20th letter of the alphabet — the one that can be found in front of shirts and bills — is missing. In other words, we’re dealing with identity theft.
Return t to its rightful entity and we’ll have solved this case of ... wait for it ... mistaken identity.