Monday, January 13, 2014

Poor Motor Skills

Vroooom! Vroooom!

Today's error has my motor running. Not smoothly, unfortunately. I hear pinging and knocking, and that's when it's not sputtering. Let's pull into the nearest garage and see what's under the hood.

XADO Chemical Group ran a full-color, full-page ad in Motor Trend magazine to promote some sort of atomic metal conditioner that "rebuilds worn engine metal and protects your engine from future wear."

The company's innovative product "atomically rebuilds metal, reversing engine wear." This revitalization is a three-step process. Alas, the first two atomic steps are anatomically incorrect. We need to replace a couple of defective parts.

Step 1: Where I operate, surface is spelled with a u. This is only a superficial scratch. We should be able to buff it right out.

Step 2: This step is wrong from the beginning. Begin by removing a g. End by adding an n.

All it took was a bit of fine-tuning to fix our problems. The rebuilt engine is purring like a kitten, and my internal combustion has abated. It's time we put the pedal to the atomically rebuilt metal.

Before we give it some gas, however, allow me to present an innovative three-step process I've engineered that'll keep all engine-based ads running smoothly for 10 years or 20,000 miles — whichever comes first:

Step 1: Write your ad.

Step 2: Proofread your ad.

Step 3: Run your ad.

All engines go.

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