He Said, She Said

I don’t run in the same circles as Samarie Walker, a former player on the women’s basketball team at the University of Kentucky, so I’m unsure if any of her friends call her Sam. It’d make sense if they did, seeing as how Sam is a truncated form of her name. Sam is, as we all know, a nickname for the male moniker Samuel, as well as the diminutive for the female Samantha. Sam is the name of a retired baseball player who runs a Boston bar. Sam also is the name of the daughter of a retired baseball player who works as a live-in maid. (Malone and Micelli, respectively.) Sometimes, a female Sam is just that — Sam, with no connection to the elongated Samantha. Need proof? Give Charlie Sheen or Denise Richards a ring and ask about daughter Sam J. Sheen, born in 2004.

What I’m getting at, in my roundabout way, is that Sam can be male or female — but not both. Not in the same sentence, anyway. In the span of a few words, Samarie Walker has undergone a sex change. Why, after she said and she knew, did he step foot on campus?

This is no time for neutrality; I must be gender biased. I want an s to walk right up to he and make Walker a woman again. No more masquerading as a man. Fix the gender fender-bender in this writing Sample.

That’s all she (actually, he) wrote.