When you’re reading about Jadeveon Clowney, the potential No. 1 pick in tomorrow’s NFL draft, and you see the word defensive, you should, like all good things, come to an end. Clowney, you see, is a defensive end, which is the name of a football position. A defensive end is a lineman who rushes the quarterback and contains outside runs.
This article, however, was like an old man’s rambling story: It had no end.
The omission put Clowney in an awkward position, so I sprang to the defensive end’s defense and immediately began to search for the missing word. I had to find it. I looked … and looked … and looked. It wasn’t easy continuing in a world without end. I ignored the damn pain, the frustration. Just as I was about to abandon hope, my, ahem, odyssey brought me to a jaundiced man wearing a sandwich board. In between bell tolls, he asked if I had any ring-shaped pastries. I told him I did not. He replied, “Do’h! Nuts!” I diminished his spirits, but he unwittingly buoyed mine.
The overweight, balding man was right; it was near. End was in front of my face the entire time. Sitting at my computer, sensing defeat during my fruitless search, I bowed my head and rubbed the back of my neck. It was then that I noticed it, smack-dab between ‘delete’ and ‘page down.’ I knew. Somehow, I always knew. End was key.
At that moment, end was keyed. I pressed e, n and d. What did I reach?
(IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE)
Himself JADEVEON CLOWNEY
Executive Producer OWEN
Key Grip OWEN
Best Boy OWEN
Set Designer OWEN
Set Medic WEBMD
Location Manager OWEN
Post-Production Coordinator OWEN
Key Craft Service OWEN
Main Title Designer OWEN
When Write Is Wrong
All Rights Reserved
The events depicted in this production are fictitious. Any
similarity to actual events is coincidental and unintentional.