Wednesday, May 7, 2014

No "End" in Sight

TRIGGER WARNING: Today’s post contains traces of violence, apocalyptic expectations and a mild epithet. Sensitive readers should stop reading now. Those who can handle the potentially traumatic material may proceed.

When you’re reading about Jadeveon Clowney, the potential No. 1 pick in tomorrow’s NFL draft, and you see the word defensive, you should, like all good things, come to an end. Clowney, you see, is a defensive end, which is the name of a football position. A defensive end is a lineman who rushes the quarterback and contains outside runs.

This article, however, was like an old man’s rambling story: It had no end.

The omission put Clowney in an awkward position, so I sprang to the defensive end’s defense and immediately began to search for the missing word. I had to find it. I looked … and looked … and looked. It wasn’t easy continuing in a world without end. I ignored the damn pain, the frustration. Just as I was about to abandon hope, my, ahem, odyssey brought me to a jaundiced man wearing a sandwich board. In between bell tolls, he asked if I had any ring-shaped pastries. I told him I did not. He replied, “Do’h! Nuts!” I diminished his spirits, but he unwittingly buoyed mine.

The overweight, balding man was right; it was near. End was in front of my face the entire time. Sitting at my computer, sensing defeat during my fruitless search, I bowed my head and rubbed the back of my neck. It was then that I noticed it, smack-dab between ‘delete’ and ‘page down.’ I knew. Somehow, I always knew. End was key.

At that moment, end was keyed. I pressed en and d. What did I reach?

The end.



Director   OWEN
Executive Producer   OWEN
Writer   OWEN
Editor   OWEN
Photographer   OWEN
Key Grip   OWEN
Best Boy   OWEN
Set Designer   OWEN
Set Medic   WEBMD
Location Manager   OWEN
Post-Production Coordinator   OWEN
Key Craft Service   OWEN
Main Title Designer   OWEN

The Simpsons

When Write Is Wrong
All Rights Reserved

The events depicted in this production are fictitious. Any
similarity to actual events is coincidental and unintentional.

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