I tracked down a truant officer, and I eavesdropped on his brief tête-à-tête outside the school with the wayward punctuation mark. Here’s what I heard:
Hey, period, you’ve irresponsibly replaced a comma. Allow me to reiterate, emphatically: Period, you should be a comma — period! It’s time you made an attitude adjustment and a physical adjustment. Take a point break. Add a crescent-shaped tail and I’ll allow you to “comma” back in and hang out near Jeter.
The officer wasted no time, getting to the point immediately, if not punningly. Here’s hoping that the first period gets the point. Pausing, comma-like, to consider the ramifications of his actions has never been his strong point.