L.A.: The City of Angles

Los Angeles has a hole in the middle of it, and I’m not referring to the one in the giant doughnut that sits atop the landmark Randy’s Donuts building, a few blocks from LAX.

This particular hole looks bad from every angle. Something is askew. Angeles is missing its middle e, resulting in a city name off a degree. Do we have ourselves a right angle? Nope, it’s a wrong angle. Do we have “a cute” angle? No, it’s ugly. If anything, I’d say it’s obtuse. Ah, geometry-based humor!

So, did you enjoy today’s post? Did you? Can’t you tell I’m angling for compliments?

A River Runs Through It

A while back, Los Angeles police arrested a man trespassing at Miley Cyrus’ home. I’m surprised they found him. In an effort to elude authorities, the trespasser, Jason Luis Rivera, put on a disguise. He skipped the tried-and-true methods. No cut and dyed hair. No hat. No inside-out coat. No false mustache. Rivera attempted to drop out of sight by dropping the last letter in his last name.

Things were flowing smoothly in this article until we reached the third sentence. On second reference, an a is missing from the River’s edge.

Despite the muddy waters, L.A.’s finest nabbed Rivera, who if convicted will be sent up the river.

"Goes" Above and Beyond

Oh, boy. What is that child doing in there? You see him, right? A male offspring has sprung. The son is rising. He’s following his Master.

I weighed the headline writer’s words very carefully, and I feel that they came up 2,000 pounds short. I cannot allow you to carry on, wayward son.

The full name of the trophy referred to in the article is the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy. It’s named in honor of William John Masterton, a center who played for the National Hockey League’s Minnesota North Stars in the expansion team’s inaugural season, 1967-68, and scored the first goal in franchise history. On Jan. 13, 1968, in a home game against the Oakland Seals, Masterton, 29, was checked by a couple of defenders. When he fell, the back of his head hit the ice and he lost consciousness. (He wasn’t wearing a helmet. In that era, helmets were not mandatory, and most players did not wear them.) Two days later, the two-time NCAA champion at the University of Denver died. Masterton is the only player to die directly from an injury suffered in an NHL game. The North Stars retired his jersey in 1987, and when the team relocated in 1993 and became the Dallas Stars, the honor remained, even though he played exclusively for Minnesota. Masterton’s No. 19 hangs from the rafters of Dallas’ American Airlines Center.

Icethetics

The headline’s middle word came undone when ton became son, but when it comes to errors, we’re not done. Tons more exist. Well, not really. Just one. I’ll tell you about it.

Here goes.

When goes grows, an editor knows. As I gazed at tgoes, I knew an extra letter was the source of our woes. Which letter? If g goes, we have toes afoot. That doesn’t make sense. G stays. T goes. If we trim that goes t, what comes? Goes.

Whenever you’re attempting to spell the present third-person singular of go, let me know. I’m your go-to guy. I know we can’t have goes in the guise of tgoes. My advice: If you’re for goes, forgo t’s.

Irked by this run of puns?

Hey, on a blog, anything … well, you know.