Monday, January 30, 2017

And D

Oh, crackers!

Gosh dang it!

I can't stand any errors.

Can you spot the one in this Modern Family summary? I did. Adam Devine* would too, I bet.

Get rid of Any. I want Andy. I love normal Andy. Tomato-soup-and-grilled-cheese Andy. Still-in-bed-by-11 Andy. Uses-the-word-tummy Andy.

I can't stand Any errors.

* Adam Devine played Andy on Modern Family. He was the manny, not the Manny. Turns out, spelling and capitalization are important.

Monday, January 23, 2017

A Miss. Spelling

Toward the end of the 2016 disaster movie Deepwater Horizon, Felicia Williams (Kate Hudson) tries to get information about a fire on the offshore drilling rig where her husband is working. She has the news on, and things don't look good — for Felicia or the film's graphics department.

Deepwater Horizon nailed Louisiana and Texas and almost went a stately three for three. Consider it a near Miss.

Anyone who has seen the premiere episode of the fourth season of Good Times ("The Big Move: Part 1") knows that the Magnolia State is missing a "crooked letter."

Deepwater Horizon's Miss. take was a mistake, though it failed to match the depths BP reached when the company neglected to test the integrity of the cement at the rig's well. Nor did the proxy Mississippi reach the levels of ineptitude and irony attained by the headline below, which made the Internet rounds years ago. I'm literate, but I can't read that headline ... without laughing.

This isn't the first time something has been amiss in Mississippi, and it won't be the last. Still, my advice to the Deepwater Horizon producers is to bury that footage so it's never found. Do it now. I'll give you, oh, 20 seconds to hide it, and I won't look.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

A Shutout

While watching the second half of Saturday's Kansas-Oklahoma State basketball game, I discovered that ESPN2's telecast got shut out. That's what happens when you have zero points. You can't win that way. Flip-flop the i and the o, ESPN2. Oh, and while you're at it, make sure teams has an apostrophe, because it's possessive. Score!

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Sacking the Rookie

So let me get this straight: In the 50 Super Bowls that have been played, no starting quarterbacks have a win? Au contraire! A starting quarterback has won every Super Bowl.* (A starting quarterback has also lost every Super Bowl, but I digress.) Even when a team wins a Super Bowl in spite of its starting quarterback (See: John Elway, Super Bowl XXXII; Peyton Manning, Super Bowl 50), the starting QB "wins" the Super Bowl.

Dak Prescott is aiming to become the 51st starting quarterback to win a Super Bowl but the first to do so as a rookie. Will he? No, says this Cowboys fan. But he's trying. The caption writer was trying, too. Sometimes trying isn't enough.

* If you want to get technical, starting quarterbacks have won 49 of the NFL's 50 annual championship games. In Super Bowl V, Baltimore Colts QB Johnny Unitas suffered bruised ribs and had to be taken out late in the first half, with his team trailing the Dallas Cowboys 13-6. In stepped Earl Morrall, who led the Colts to a touchdown and a field goal in the fourth quarter in Baltimore's 16-13 victory.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Tech No Bowl

USA Today's accuracy record in bowl blurbs after listing West Virginia as the winner of the Belk Bowl.

This "Magic Number" needs Tech support, because that bowl's a crock. When Arkansas blew a 24-0 halftime lead in Charlotte on Dec. 29, it did so against a school with Virginia in its name — but not West Virginia. The Razorbacks lost to Virginia Tech. West Virginia played the day before, losing to Miami in the Russell Athletic Bowl in Orlando.

Yes, Virginia, as sure as there is a Santa Claus, there is a difference between West Virginia and Virginia Tech.