An Emboldened Woman

Have you seen her? I have. She’s fearless. She’s brave. She’s … bold.

Sheldon’s roommate, Leonard, once complained that he hated his name because, when said aloud, “it has 'nerd' in it.” I suppose Sheldon has a right to bitch now too, because his name, when written in these TV listings, has prominent lady parts.

Sheldon doesn’t have a bold bone in his bony body. He’s afraid of birds, has a fear of nets and has nightmares about Goofy. He won’t talk about any of these phobias in public, mind you, because he doesn’t like speaking to large crowds, which he considers any group big enough to trample him to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children. Sheldon? Bold? No.

So…

Why is She acting like that? He has no interest in getting in touch with his feminine side.

This print version of Sheldon, which boldly went partly bold, got off to a worse start than the actual Sheldon, who as a 5-year-old wrote a paper titled “A Proof That Algebraic Topology Can Never Have a Non-Self-Contradictory Set of Abelian Groups.” The theoretical physicist entered college at age 11, graduated summa cum laude at 14 and received his first Ph.D. at 16. That’s a compendium of bold achievements.

Making those first three letters stand out, however, was anything but a bold feat. Not that Sheldon would notice; he is oblivious to advances from the opposite sex.

"Back" Issues

It was rally time on the first page of my local paper’s sports section recently. It was rally time again on page 5. I attended the first rally and remarked about its redundancy. My comments, despite being made about their backs, not behind them, were unwelcome and, as such, my presence wasn’t requested at the second rally. This is proof, readers, that when it’s rally time, you’re not invited, back.

I’ve got your backs, sports writers. You can have them back. After rally (and, in the second example, rallied), a back is an affront to conciseness. So, heed my rallying cry: “We want a rally, without a back finale! We want a rally, without a back finale!”

Avoid redundancy, readers. Tell back to get off rally’s back. In the same vein, never “refer back” to something. Refer, like rally, includes back in its definition.

When rallying, and when referring, remember to trim the back fat.

The Definitive Guide to Indefinite Articles

A or an? An or a? It depends. On what? On the word that follows. When deciding which indefinite article you need, sound it out. Use a before a consonant sound and an before a vowel sound. Seems simple and straightforward. It’s not, if the examples I’ve shared here, here and here are any indication.

Independent begins with a vowel sound. So, applying what we’ve learned, we can conclude that an is the answer. Independent is dependent on it. Constantly. No independent variables here.