Give Each Other Space

Am I in the mall parking lot the week before Christmas? Am I one of the last passengers on a December flight, trying to put my carry-on in an overhead bin? It must be one or the other, because I can't find a space.

A couple of words in the Flight Before Christmas TV listing above are cramped tighter than airline seats in coach.

The blurb, like made-for-TV Christmas movie veteran Lacey Chabert and I, was made for "each other."

Have a holly, jolly Christmas, readers, and when you're filling out your holiday cards or wish lists, remember to put a space between eachword. Dammit!

P.S. Is the blurb technically correct? Can a plane strand people? People can strand people. Bad weather, like the snowstorm in The Flight Before Christmas, can strand people. High tide can strand people. A dead car battery can strand people. A lost passport can strand people. A plane crash can strand people. But a plane? That doesn't fly with me.

In? One R. And Out? The Other

I'm going to say something that my mom, a home-shopping addict, never would: I'm not buying that, QVC.

I'm not buying what host Kristen Wiig and Cecily Strong were selling in their "QVC Auditions" sketch on last week's episode of Saturday Night Live. I prefer the variant spelling, pendant, but that's not the basis for my frugality. Neither is the missing hyphen in money-back. Are our ladies in red selling nautical ropes used to fasten a corner of a sail to the yard? No? Then don't dangle earings in front of us. Repair your broken jewelry.

Earings is to earrings what cubic zirconia is to diamonds. They're similar, but not the same.

What do I have in common with a small, button-like earring mounted on a metal post? Not much. Only one of us is a stud.

Place Your Betts

Ah, the Redskins. No team nickname in professional sports evokes stronger opinions. Some find it honorable; others consider it offensive. Is it right? Is it wrong? That’s debatable.

Ah, Betts. No player surname in professional sports is much easier to spell. Is it right? Is it wrong? There’s no debate — it’s right. Except when it isn’t.

Ladell Betts, a former running back, played eight seasons for the Washington Redskins. During a preseason game against the Baltimore Ravens in his final season with Washington, Betts sported a jersey that really, well, gets under my skin.

On Aug. 13, 2009 — less than four months after another D.C.-based team suffered a uniform breakdown, which I blogged about here — someone confused Betts with a different running back, Jerome “the Bus” Bettis.

You missed the Bus, Redskins; Bettis, a six-time Pro Bowler with the Pittsburgh Steelers, retired following the 2005 season.

So, lose an I. That’ll bring out the BETTS in Ladell.