Everything From A to Z in the USA

At the risk of revealing that my youth, much like the flavor in a stick of Juicy Fruit gum 30 seconds after chewing, is long gone, I have been alive for a little more than 14,500 days. Of those, only 10 have been spent in the greater Los Angeles area. Still, when I glanced at this "Across the USA" note in an old copy of USA Today, it was as if I were on Venice Beach's famed boardwalk, because something strange grabbed my attention.

Azusa, a city located about 25 miles northeast of downtown L.A., along the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains, has made like a Beverly Hills housewife and had some work done. The job was botched; the s and z have switched roles. We no longer go from a to z. Instead, the s, impersonating a rude, hungry hot dog eater at Pink's, has pushed its way toward the front of the line. Sorry, s, but you're not on the A-list.

Before I come to a full stop, allow me to point out that a full stop is missing after Sunday. You missed the (punctuation) mark, USA Today. Where's the period? And don't tell me it got stuck in I-405 traffic.