Boggling a Blogger

My friend Lindsay, from IAMNOTASTALKER, was on the phone with her mom earlier this year when she came across this sign outside a sushi restaurant in Pasadena, California.

"This is just too good!" she blurted, hanging up to take a picture. She called her mom back and explained the cryptic, colorful sign. Her mom laughed out loud, particularly at the "have a nice time" addendum.

After the laughfest, Lindsay shot me an e-mail. 

"Never before have I seen quotes in that sort of placement," she said, referring to the yellow, kitty-cornered punctuation around all. "It's absolutely mind-boggling!"

It is, Lindsay. It is indeed.

Want to know what about this sign boggles my mind? Grab a beer and read on.

1. Why does all need to be in quotes? It's "all" or nothing. I would have chosen nothing.

2. Why do the closing quote marks align with the bottom of the letters? Did part of "all" fall down? Ashes! Ashes!

3. Why is all the only word written in all caps? That's not ALL right.

4. Why do all, price and beer begin with a capital letter, yet half does not? I'm going to blame it on a halfhearted effort by the sign's creator.

5. How are we supposed to read the sign? All half price beer? That's how it's written, assuming the standard left-to-right, top-to-bottom reading progression. But that makes as much sense as nonalcoholic beer. If anything, beer should be at the top right, half on the bottom left and price on the bottom right: All beer (is) half price(d).

6. What's the point of "have a nice time"? Though not technically incorrect, it is, like a worm in a tequila bottle, an odd thing to find at the bottom.

7. Why is the last word capitalized? Another "time-lapse" in judgment by the aforementioned creator, I suppose.

8. Are those supposed to be tittles above the i's in Asahi, nice and time? I hate to quibble, but those tittles should be little — little dots. Or little hearts, if you're a middle-school girl.

9. Why do we need three exclamation points? Does that sentence indicate strong feelings? Arguably. If so, however, one exclamation point would suffice. No need for such a forceful utterance. Calm down! Relax!!!

Now, if you don't mind, my boggled mind could use a frosty beverage. I'm about to grab a tall, cold one and ... have a nice Time!!!