Monday, January 12, 2015

Lost and Found

Murray State lost Tennessee State? What happened? How could an entire university go missing? No tracking device? No implanted microchip? This isn’t like misplacing gloves or sunglasses; Tennessee State is valuable. We’ve got to find it. I’ll initiate the search by putting up LOST UNIVERSITY posters and offering a substantial reward.

Relax, readers. Tennessee State isn’t missing. (The school is in Nashville.) What is missing is the to that precedes it. I doubt it can be found. I’ll look for it and get back to you.

[Owen checks couch cushions, coat pockets, lost-and-found bins, dictionary entries between TNT and toad, and, with some assistance from James Cameron, the depths of the Mariana Trench. No luck. His hope wanes.]

Eureka! My frantic search for to lasted all of one day. (It turned out to be more difficult than the time I found my mom’s glasses on top of her head but easier than the time I helped my brother look for his car keys on a beach in the wee hours of the morning. True stories.) In the following day’s paper, I saw this: 

I spotted to, wandering aimlessly, not far from Memphis. The lost to had been found. It hadn’t even crossed state lines.

I can cross “Find ‘to’” off my to-do list. Now, if I could only find that to-do list…

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